Multiple Choice: The Conscience

I work at a major food manufacturer.  We make food.  People eat it.  Sometimes, people eat too much of it, even though we very clearly label the appropriate serving size.  I have no probelm with any of this.  Sure, I try to eat unprocessed as much as I can, but I love a good cheeseburger and very rarely, Cheetoes or real ice cream or some other concotion that's as far away from the farm as possible.

Which of the following questions from relative strangers should I be most offended by?

1. How does it make you feel to know that you're making our kids obese?
2. Have you seen Food, Inc.? (Or read Omnivore's Delimma)
3. You know you gave Jenny McCarthy's son autism, right? 

Look, people eat too much.  I get it.  But my point of view has always been, if you don't like it you can vote with your stock portfolio (don't buy it), employment decisions (don't work there), or eating decisions (make other choices).

Short Answer: Cats

Short answer today, inspired by one of my favorite colleagues -- who relentlessly teases me about being a cat owner.

Short Answer: Why is it so offputting/worthy of mockery that a straight single woman has a cat?  Or a Subaru?

Multiple Choice: Bullshit Bingo

Ten years ago today I graduated from college.  Shortly after receiving my diploma I went to work for a small consulting firm in Manhattan--where I promptly realized that I knew absolutely nothing.  

As I worked my way up the learning curve, I took note of the language used by my peers.  Everyone sounded so smart! And confident! And I had no idea what they were saying!  Of course, in time I realized that on some level many of my colleagues had no idea what they were saying...that the fluffy language of business had overtaken the substance of their ideas.  And so, in honor of 10 years in the "real world" (minus two years of in b-school, but who's counting), let's circle back and close the loop on that.

Which of the following is the most egregious example of corporate speak:

1. Unlock growth 
• origin: indeterminate; perhaps this dates back to the infamous Al Gore "lock box"?
• usage: "this new initiative is sure to unlock growth in the category"
2. In Scope/Out of Scope 
• origin: requests for information, statements of work, and other formal consulting documents
• usage: "Dinner on Friday night is out of scope - I'll be exhausted."
3. That being said 
1. origin: tactic to feign interest in another's opinion, while forcing your own agenda
2. usage: "I really like your idea - great work.  That being said, we're going to go in a completely different direction."
4. Bogey 
1. origin: golf
2. usage: "The bogey in the plan is whether consumers will actually buy our product"
5. At the end of the day 
1. origin: a time when there actually was an end of the work day
2. usage "at the end of the day, we want the campaign to be memorable."

Short Answer: A Watched Pot...Part II

We've all been there (unless you haven't in which case I kind of hate you).  You meet him, have flirted and there's a spark.  There's some minor back-and-forth communication, of the electronic variety: you write, he responds, you write back.  Then, nothing.  Because you're now social network friends you can see that he's online: and can safely rule out that he has not been hit by a car or kidnapped by wise-cracking street gangs.

Side-note: this is why I miss old-fashioned letters.  Before the age of email, IM, Facebook, and so on, our expectations for instantaneous responses weren't quite so high.  Plus, the USPS is an excellent scapegoat.

Short Answer Part I:  WTF?  Sorry, that was a short question.  
Short Answer Part II: What happened?  Were you too aloof? Too eager? 
Short Answer, Part III: When do we stop blaming ourselves when the don't respond?  Better yet, when do we stop caring?

Multiple Choice: A Watched Pot...

Girl meets boy.  Boy seems interested.  Girl contacts boy via email, Facebook, text message or the like.

Multiple Choice: What is the minimum acceptable time to panic because boy has not responded?

1. 5 minutes
2. 12 hours
3. 24 hours
4. 48 hours
5. 7 days
6. Trick question: girl should never initiate contact

True or False: Thanks, Carrie Bradshaw

This week's tour of Jury Duty reminds me why watching too much Sex in the City in my early to mid 20s has fully warped my expectations of early 30-something dating.

True or False:  There is a cute, single, age-appropriate guy serving on the jury with you.  Obviously, you will go on at least one date, rehash courtroom hijinks, and fall in love.

True or False: You meet a cute guy on an airplane.  He may or may not be single, and he's probably agre-appropriate.  You share a few laughs over the Sky Mall.  Obviously, you will go on at least one date, discuss the pros and cons of the Hammacher Schlemmer Solar Insect Zapper, and fall in love.

True or False: You reconnect with a guy friend from high school over an electronic social medium.  He's almost single, kind of cute, and age-appropriate (with few other redeeming qualities to speak of).  Obviously, you will go on at least one date, discuss the good old days, and fall in love.

True or False: You meet a cute-yet-elusive colleague at your summer job.  The flirting is mutual, if sporadic.  You have coffee together under the pretense of "networking".  Obviously, you will go on at least one real date, thank the Corporation for bringing you together, and fall in love.

Multiple Choice: Caffeination Situation

A couple of months ago I was at a team lunch with our group's director and several peers.  Workday caffeination  practices came up in the discussion (such a seemingly innocuous topic); I made the mistake of asserting that Starbucks is coffee for people who like lattes, and is terrible without all of the milk, syrups, creams, and other accoutrement.  This was not a popular assertion.

Is it better to:

1. Claim to like Starbucks because that's what your superiors like (and even though you can rationalize spending $100 on a pair of shoes you cannot bring yourself to spend $4 on a cup of coffee)
2. Defend your longtime love of Dunkin' Donuts, because even though they don't sell it in your blessed state, that's what America runs on

Multiple Choice: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Seconds

As much as my married friends love to remind me how long it's been since they have been single, they love to give advice on how to handle the dreaded first date.

Which of the following is the most efficient and effective way to ensure that your first date will be your last?

1. Tell him about your pre-adolescent stint in the circus
2. Bring a copy of your family tree--which could confuse the writers of Days of Our Lives
3. Arrive in your Subaru, complete with ice hockey gear in the trunk
4. Mention anything about your cat 
5. Show off your Robbert Pattinson tattoo (No, I don't have one; just wondering how that ranks against the other offenses.)